Plaid Archer

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Does That Ever Work? - Pick Up Lines that Fall Flat

Every time I go out with my gal pals we can count on at least one person trying to flirt with us. Not that I'm complaining, the positive attention and compliments are nice. Flirting is fun, I love that stuff!

There are occasions, however, when flirtation takes a sharp turn into Creeperville. Nothing can ruin an oceanside lunch date with the ladies quite like a lecher who doesn't know when to cut his line and cast his bait into more promising waters. Guys, I say this because I care. I want to see you be successful in the dating scene. Even if you're looking for a quick fling, there are some more graceful ways of getting your point across.

Flirtation Strategies With a Very Low Chance of Success

Any Sort of Grunty Animal Noise – Look dude, we know what you're after - it's written all over your face. Literally. Me and all my girlfriends saw you look us up and down before you started licking your lips and grunting husky, “hot damns” in our direction. What you're considering a compliment is actually pretty skeevey. We don't like it. In fact, we'd like it if you would please stop. Better yet, go away.
Begging – Most times I would say that a persistent attitude will pay off in the long run. However, if your idea of persistence is to hound me for attention and sexual favors, I'd really rather be alone. Begging has probably paid off in the past as some women have given in to stop the increasing levels whining. Even worse is begging me, then begging each of my friends, then begging all of us at the same time (ewww!). That doesn't really make you a suave pick-up artist.
Cheesy Cliche Lines - “Hey baby, what's your sign?”, “Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”, and other over-played pick-up lines are just worn-out and tired. Sure, they might be good for a laugh-inducing ice-breaker, but that's only if you've got the confidence and wit to carry the rest of the conversation without resorting to canned humor.

Keep It Simple, Stupid

Start with hello. Follow up with a friendly introduction and a confident hand shake. Seriously, it's as easy as that. Do all of this with a sincere smile and there's a good chance you've made yourself a new friend. Whether this will lead to sex or marriage remains to be seen, but it's such a rarity among pick-up methods that it's bound to be get someone's attention.

What are some of the worst pick-up lines you've ever heard? What's the worst line you've ever tried? Leave it in the comments!

Thursday, January 21, 2016

The Single Girl's Guide to Surviving the Holidays in Style

Tada! I did it! I survived yet another Christmas and New Years as a single woman, and I didn't punch anyone in the face. Trust me, there were some people that were really asking to be punched, but I kept my hands to myself. I didn't want to risk a great manicure by breaking a nail. People should thank me for being so considerate. Of course, with Valentine's Day right around the corner I'm not out of the woods just yet, but I do have a plan of action.

Make it a Movie Night, Every Night – Netflix never lets me down. After all these years, Netflix knows what I like and often makes appropriate suggestions according to my moods. Why yes, Netflix, I am most certainly interested in a period piece featuring a strong female lead. No, I don't care if it's historically accurate. I'm all about the costumes, cat-fights, and clever wit.

When it comes to surviving the holiday season, you can go one of two routes: Seasonal cult favorites (National Lampoons Christmas Vacation, Christmas Story, It's a Wonderful Life), or take a hard left and race towards horror movies and psychological thrillers. Or, if you're like me, you'll watch some fluffy eye candy and indulge in a marathon of Pretty Little Liars (skipping over the Christmas episodes is optional.)

Skip Parties – Holiday parties are filled with couples and meddling busy-bodies who only want to know one thing: why are you here alone? No matter how much I enjoy being single, finding a smooching buddy at midnight makes for some awkward morning after stories. When it comes to being single on New Years, it's best to skip parties and build a pillow fort. It's okay to indulge your inner cave woman.

Chill With Friends – Luckily, my besties are single as well. Since we've nothing better to do, we've decided to what we always do – plan an adventure. No doubt my Valentine's will be memorable and filled with laughter. Spending time with friends is a necessary factor in a long, healthy, and happy life. I make it a point to chill with my friends as often as possible, Valentine's Day is just another night on my busy schedule of laughing with the people I love.

No matter how you spend your Valentine's Day, take a moment to genuinely appreciate your friends and loved ones. I hope your upcoming year is filled with an abundance of prosperity, laughter, and love.

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Kona Coffee Tour – What to Wear

The past two Sundays we've had a chance to come down off the mountain and check out the happenings in town. Invariably we ended up at the farmer's market each time, we simply can't resist the call of all that fresh fruit and produce.

Don't Forget the Coffee

Kona coffee is incredible, and no two brands are alike. Most of the brews in the Kona region come from private farmers who grow coffee simply because they love it so much, rather than a greedy desire to make a profit from the delicious beans. The result is a wide array of amazing coffee, the likes of which you simply have to sample when the opportunity arises.

What better way to experience the best of Kona coffee than by touring a farm or ten. Several farms are arranged conveniently on the highway, the majority of which offer free tastings and tours for any visitors that drop in. Of course, if you're going to make a day of touring farms you'll want to dress appropriately.

When Sampling the Coffees of Hawaii, Comfort is Key

Light layers -It's been said there are 19 different types of climate in the world, 14 of which can be experienced right here on the Big Island of Hawaii. Truer words were never spoken, so I always try to come prepared with versatile garments that let me maintain maximum comfort at all times. A fleece hoodie is great for chilly mornings, and a cotton t-shirt is perfect for sunny afternoons. Long sleeves are a must when touring a coffee farm, mosquitoes love visitors.
Sturdy Shoes – Kona coffee is amazing, there's nothing like it in the world. But if you really want to get the full experience of what goes into each delicious cup of genuine Kona coffee, you've got to tour the farm where it was grown, processed, and roasted. Be warned, the terrain consists primarily of lava rock, and it's no joke – wear hiking boots with rugged soles.
Bug Balm – Apply an all-natural bug repellant before leaving in the morning, and refresh as needed throughout the day. Mosquitoes are as pesky as they are stealth, you never know you've been hit until after the itch sets in. This gets to be pretty distracting when trying to enjoy a tour of a beautiful Kona coffee farm. I like to make my own blend of bug repellant from coconut oil, beeswax, and some essential oils that smell great to me, but horrible to insects – eucalyptus, citronella and lavender to name a few.
Shopping Bag(s) -No doubt about it, after touring a Kona coffee farm, and sampling a freshly brewed cup of award-winning roast, you're going to want to take home a pound or five. Come equipped with a reusable shopping bag, Hawaii has recently banned on the plastic variety. Some coffee farms in the Kona coffee belt grow more than just coffee, you might want to bring an extra shopping bag for delicious tropical fruit and massive avocados.

For the Folks Stuck at Home

I know, all this talk about delicious, award-winning coffee grown on the island paradise of Hawaii is cruel to those of you who don't have the luxury of hopping on the next flight to Honolulu. I've taken this into consideration, and that's why I'm sharing these discount coupons for Hawaiian coffee, and in the spirit of valentine's day, I'll toss in these extra savings from popular merchants as well.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Dear Frances - I'm a Nomad

Dear Frances,

It's been so long since I've written, and though I remember your address well I wonder if you still live there thirty years later. I still think of you often, my pen-pal. I always wish you well over the miles and genuinely hope to reconnect with you once more.

In just a few days I'm moving away from Columbus once more. I lived in Arkansas for a few years during my college years, and I've come to miss the thrill of being surrounded by natural beauty. Here in the city I'm surrounded by skyscrapers and sad, angry people.

After a whirlwind weekend of packing necessities and giving the rest to charity we will depart for a week of fun and frolic with friends and family, then it's off to Hawai'i! I'll certainly write more once we arrive. Until then, and always, I wish you all the best.

Rachel