Moving On Gracefully – Crossing Paths With “The Ex” Without Running for the Exit

Recently, a friend of mine and I decided to go in separate directions. Is this a permanent thing? Meh, time will tell. Right now, it was time to call it quits and let go of a lot of unnecessary drama.

It was a break-up, just like any other, and break-ups aren't always easy. My friend and I simply reached a point in our relationship where it was challenging to communicate without being hurtful, and I have a strict personal policy that if I can't speak to someone in kind, loving tones then I simply cannot speak to them. I have no desire to shout, I'd much rather disengage and return to the comfort of peace until enough time has passed that we can behave like mature adults.

In my mind, this is how break-ups should go – take a break so each person can move on to bigger and better things. No contact, no communication, things are severed for a while so both parties can evaluate the situation from a different perspective, and grow as individuals.

Naturally, some need for contact is going to happen eventually, but once the relationship is over it's time to move on and do so with grace and dignity. If your ex is still trying to maintain contact with you, here are a few ways of dealing with the situation like a boss.

• Email – Depending on the content of the email, you can probably just ignore it and send it to the trash bin. If there's no remaining business between you and your ex (think divorce details and childcare arrangements) then there's no reason to respond to an email communication if you have no desire. When it comes to all the ways you could bump into your ex and walk away without awkwardness, deleting an email is the least intrusive method.
  What to do: If you must respond, however, focus solely on business and keep it as emotion-free as possible. Just the facts and nothing but the facts. No need to rehash anything, just keep it short, sweet, and simple.
• Random Text – I tend to stay on friendly terms with my exes. Choosing instead to cut and run long before things get past the point of no return. Even so, I do get a little suspicious when an ex I haven't heard from in a long time suddenly wants to know how life is treating me, because it usually turns into a chance for them to brag about how awesome their life is now. I mean, it's great that they're doing so awesome, but it's not a competition or a chance to keep score.
  What to do: Again, if a response is necessary, focus solely on business and don't get caught up in an exchange of emotions. Even if it comes across as chilly, there's nothing wrong with saying, “Hi, I'm fine. Too busy to talk now. Glad to hear you're awesome, bye!”
  
  
  
• Crossing Paths in Public – When you and your ex live in the same neighborhood you're bound to cross paths eventually. Short of hiding behind a stack of newspapers until the threat passes, it's probably a good idea to just suck it up and be polite. When bumping into your ex in public there's little chance of pretending you don't see one another, especially if you're trying to maintain mature and friendly terms in your relationship. There's also no luxury of carefully editing your words as you might in a text. And don't get me started on facial expressions and body language!
  What to do: Smile. Be polite. Ask how they are, tell them you're fine. Tie it all up with a neat little bow by saying how nice it is to see them doing well, pay for your groceries, and get out of there as quickly as you can without busting into a full-blown sprint. No need to incite a panic at the Safeway.

Taboo Topics

As I mentioned earlier, I'm one of those oddball types that stays on friendly terms with my ex's. I manage to do this successfully because there are a few topics of conversation that are simply off limits – particularly sex and money.

It's important to know why you want to maintain contact with an ex before you reach out and try to talk with them. For me, I like to break up before the relationship erodes past the point of repair. I don't like the idea of talking ugly to someone I love, so I often sever the relationship to maintain the friendship. Then we gimp along from there until the trust is restored. But that's a topic for another article!

Do you still bump into your ex's from time to time? How do you manage to do it gracefully?  

Don't Let A Breakup Hurt Your Health

Ever notice how we tend to celebrate when one of our friends gets divorced? What about those folks who break up with someone after living together for several years, they go through all the same post-breakup anxiety, suffering all the same physical and mental consequences as the recently divorced, where's their parade? Plenty of researchers have proven beyond a doubt there is no difference in physiological complaints between the recently divorced and the recently split.

All this emotional trauma can take a major toll on your immune system. Depression associated with the end of a relationship can increase the levels of the stress hormone cortisol. We've all seen the effects of a population operating with high cortisol levels – the entire country is obese and our current generation of children won't outlive their parents, for the first time in a very long time, but that's another rant for another day. To stay healthy during a split, try some of the following suggestions:

• Eat Carefully – Your appetite is likely to kick into top gear, so rather than reach for the cool, soothing mush of yet another pint of premium ice cream, make sure what you eat is healthy and high in quality.
• Slow Down – Your body is in a fragile state, slow down just a little and get plenty of rest. Naps rule.
• Reach Out to Friends – There's no reason to forge through this time alone, stay connected with your friends and family for the emotional support you need and deserve.
• Find Emotional Balance – It's healthy to vent! Purge those feelings by talking to someone or writing it down in a journal, experience the emotion and move on, rather than dwelling and festering in negativity.
• Don't Let Yourself Go – It may be tempting to slip into your comfy jammies and hide from the world for a while as you slowly pack on the pounds. A little bit of jammy indulgence is fine, just remember that your appearance can and will effect your self-esteem.
• Add Some Color – Even though your spirit may be black, leave your doom and gloom garments alone for a while, color is a natural spirit lifter, so reach for something bold and bright.

Breakups take time to get over, it's the death of a relationship so do take the time to experience the various stages of mourning, just don't become a crazy cat lady in the process. You're a champion, treat yourself with some care and you'll be back at fighting weight in no time!  After all, Ivana Trump said it best when she advised, "looking good is the best revenge."