Recently, a friend of mine and I
decided to go in separate directions. Is this a permanent thing?
Meh, time will tell. Right now, it was time to call it quits and let
go of a lot of unnecessary drama.
It was a break-up, just like any other, and break-ups aren't always easy. My friend and I simply reached a point in our relationship where it was challenging to communicate without being hurtful, and I have a strict personal policy that if I can't speak to someone in kind, loving tones then I simply cannot speak to them. I have no desire to shout, I'd much rather disengage and return to the comfort of peace until enough time has passed that we can behave like mature adults.
In my mind, this is how break-ups
should go – take a break so each person can move on to bigger and
better things. No contact, no communication, things are severed for a
while so both parties can evaluate the situation from a different
perspective, and grow as individuals.
Naturally, some need for contact is going to happen eventually, but once the relationship is over it's time to move on and do so with grace and dignity. If your ex is still trying to maintain contact with you, here are a few ways of dealing with the situation like a boss.
- Email – Depending on the content of the email, you can probably just ignore it and send it to the trash bin. If there's no remaining business between you and your ex (think divorce details and childcare arrangements) then there's no reason to respond to an email communication if you have no desire. When it comes to all the ways you could bump into your ex and walk away without awkwardness, deleting an email is the least intrusive method.
What to do: If you must respond, however, focus solely on business and keep it as emotion-free as possible. Just the facts and nothing but the facts. No need to rehash anything, just keep it short, sweet, and simple. 
Random Text – I tend to
stay on friendly terms with my exes. Choosing instead to cut and
run long before things get past the point of no return. Even so, I
do get a little suspicious when an ex I haven't heard from in a long
time suddenly wants to know how life is treating me, because it
usually turns into a chance for them to brag about how awesome their
life is now. I mean, it's great that they're doing so awesome, but
it's not a competition or a chance to keep score.
What to do: Again, if a response is necessary, focus solely on business and don't get caught up in an exchange of emotions. Even if it comes across as chilly, there's nothing wrong with saying, “Hi, I'm fine. Too busy to talk now. Glad to hear you're awesome, bye!”
- Crossing Paths in Public – When you and your ex live in the same neighborhood you're bound to cross paths eventually. Short of hiding behind a stack of newspapers until the threat passes, it's probably a good idea to just suck it up and be polite. When bumping into your ex in public there's little chance of pretending you don't see one another, especially if you're trying to maintain mature and friendly terms in your relationship. There's also no luxury of carefully editing your words as you might in a text. And don't get me started on facial expressions and body language!
What to do: Smile. Be polite. Ask how they are, tell them you're fine. Tie it all up with a neat little bow by saying how nice it is to see them doing well, pay for your groceries, and get out of there as quickly as you can without busting into a full-blown sprint. No need to incite a panic at the Safeway.
Taboo Topics
As I mentioned
earlier, I'm one of those oddball types that stays on friendly terms
with my ex's. I manage to do this successfully because there are a
few topics of conversation that are simply off limits –
particularly sex and money.
It's important to
know why you want to maintain contact with an ex before you reach out
and try to talk with them. For me, I like to break up before the
relationship erodes past the point of repair. I don't like the idea
of talking ugly to someone I love, so I often sever the relationship
to maintain the friendship. Then we gimp along from there until the
trust is restored. But that's a topic for another article!
Do you still bump into your ex's from time to time? How do you manage to do it gracefully?
Do you still bump into your ex's from time to time? How do you manage to do it gracefully?
