The Spaces in Between – Learning to Enjoy Silence and Solitude

I'm a pretty laid back and relaxed kind of gal. For the most part I'm content with my solitude, but that wasn't always the case. I'm a homebody and a hermit, yes, but there was once a time when the thought of dining in public alone was a cause for panic.
With some time, practice, and deliberate stretching of my comfort zone, I've come to find so much peace with my own company that not only has my alone time become fulfilling, my relationships are more rewarding as well. I no longer need the company of another to make me feel complete. Better yet, when enjoying the company of another, I no longer feel the need to fill the air with useless noise. I'm able to simply enjoy the comfort of their company, even if we're sitting side by side in blissful silence.
Though it may seem like a challenge, obtaining this sort of serenity really isn't so difficult. Here's a few methods that helped me grow comfortable in my own skin.

Celebrate Your Independence

• Count Your Blessings – Sometimes, when we get all caught up in the noise that's banging around in our heads, it can be tempting to listen to the nagging voice of insecurity. It's at these times that we become most vulnerable to self-sabotage in the form of counting all of our past disappointments. This ugly cycle only leads to stress, mental-anguish, and depression.
  Switch things up by using this time to count your blessings. Write down a few things that happened during the day to make you feel grateful or optimistic. To really boost the signal on your blessings, share this good news with your friends over Facebook or Twitter. Sharing the things that make you genuinely smile causes others to genuinely smile too. It's like a yawn, totally contagious.
• Let it Be – We can't be all things to everyone, even though it might sound nice to be regarded as the savior of the day. Truth is, the need to control every last detail, or have a handle on matters which are beyond your reach gets to be really exhausting. Chances are there may be someone else who is equally qualified to handle one of your many tasks, let them do it and don't complain when their approach is different. Instead, be thankful that you've been given a chance to focus on more pressing matters like relaxing and enjoying life. Let someone else take the wheel once in a while, and enjoy the view for a change.
• Enjoy Your Company – Now that you've got all sorts of free-time on your hands, what the heck are you supposed to do to fill the hours? The simple answer is: have fun! Ask yourself what you want to do, and then get out there and do it. Want to wear funky socks, curl up under the covers, and read a trashy romance novel? Okay! Doesn't a bowl of ice cream and a few hours of nail art tutorials on YouTube sound positively awesome? Treat yourself!
• Build a Sanctuary – If you're having trouble relaxing in your personal space because it feels more like a prison than a paradise, it may be time for a little make-over. A fresh coat of paint, a few scented candles, even a simple rearranging of the furniture can really breathe new life into a room and make it feel more special.    

Moving On Gracefully – Crossing Paths With “The Ex” Without Running for the Exit

Recently, a friend of mine and I decided to go in separate directions. Is this a permanent thing? Meh, time will tell. Right now, it was time to call it quits and let go of a lot of unnecessary drama.

It was a break-up, just like any other, and break-ups aren't always easy. My friend and I simply reached a point in our relationship where it was challenging to communicate without being hurtful, and I have a strict personal policy that if I can't speak to someone in kind, loving tones then I simply cannot speak to them. I have no desire to shout, I'd much rather disengage and return to the comfort of peace until enough time has passed that we can behave like mature adults.

In my mind, this is how break-ups should go – take a break so each person can move on to bigger and better things. No contact, no communication, things are severed for a while so both parties can evaluate the situation from a different perspective, and grow as individuals.

Naturally, some need for contact is going to happen eventually, but once the relationship is over it's time to move on and do so with grace and dignity. If your ex is still trying to maintain contact with you, here are a few ways of dealing with the situation like a boss.

• Email – Depending on the content of the email, you can probably just ignore it and send it to the trash bin. If there's no remaining business between you and your ex (think divorce details and childcare arrangements) then there's no reason to respond to an email communication if you have no desire. When it comes to all the ways you could bump into your ex and walk away without awkwardness, deleting an email is the least intrusive method.
  What to do: If you must respond, however, focus solely on business and keep it as emotion-free as possible. Just the facts and nothing but the facts. No need to rehash anything, just keep it short, sweet, and simple.
• Random Text – I tend to stay on friendly terms with my exes. Choosing instead to cut and run long before things get past the point of no return. Even so, I do get a little suspicious when an ex I haven't heard from in a long time suddenly wants to know how life is treating me, because it usually turns into a chance for them to brag about how awesome their life is now. I mean, it's great that they're doing so awesome, but it's not a competition or a chance to keep score.
  What to do: Again, if a response is necessary, focus solely on business and don't get caught up in an exchange of emotions. Even if it comes across as chilly, there's nothing wrong with saying, “Hi, I'm fine. Too busy to talk now. Glad to hear you're awesome, bye!”
  
  
  
• Crossing Paths in Public – When you and your ex live in the same neighborhood you're bound to cross paths eventually. Short of hiding behind a stack of newspapers until the threat passes, it's probably a good idea to just suck it up and be polite. When bumping into your ex in public there's little chance of pretending you don't see one another, especially if you're trying to maintain mature and friendly terms in your relationship. There's also no luxury of carefully editing your words as you might in a text. And don't get me started on facial expressions and body language!
  What to do: Smile. Be polite. Ask how they are, tell them you're fine. Tie it all up with a neat little bow by saying how nice it is to see them doing well, pay for your groceries, and get out of there as quickly as you can without busting into a full-blown sprint. No need to incite a panic at the Safeway.

Taboo Topics

As I mentioned earlier, I'm one of those oddball types that stays on friendly terms with my ex's. I manage to do this successfully because there are a few topics of conversation that are simply off limits – particularly sex and money.

It's important to know why you want to maintain contact with an ex before you reach out and try to talk with them. For me, I like to break up before the relationship erodes past the point of repair. I don't like the idea of talking ugly to someone I love, so I often sever the relationship to maintain the friendship. Then we gimp along from there until the trust is restored. But that's a topic for another article!

Do you still bump into your ex's from time to time? How do you manage to do it gracefully?