Moving On Gracefully – Crossing Paths With “The Ex” Without Running for the Exit

Recently, a friend of mine and I decided to go in separate directions. Is this a permanent thing? Meh, time will tell. Right now, it was time to call it quits and let go of a lot of unnecessary drama.

It was a break-up, just like any other, and break-ups aren't always easy. My friend and I simply reached a point in our relationship where it was challenging to communicate without being hurtful, and I have a strict personal policy that if I can't speak to someone in kind, loving tones then I simply cannot speak to them. I have no desire to shout, I'd much rather disengage and return to the comfort of peace until enough time has passed that we can behave like mature adults.

In my mind, this is how break-ups should go – take a break so each person can move on to bigger and better things. No contact, no communication, things are severed for a while so both parties can evaluate the situation from a different perspective, and grow as individuals.

Naturally, some need for contact is going to happen eventually, but once the relationship is over it's time to move on and do so with grace and dignity. If your ex is still trying to maintain contact with you, here are a few ways of dealing with the situation like a boss.

• Email – Depending on the content of the email, you can probably just ignore it and send it to the trash bin. If there's no remaining business between you and your ex (think divorce details and childcare arrangements) then there's no reason to respond to an email communication if you have no desire. When it comes to all the ways you could bump into your ex and walk away without awkwardness, deleting an email is the least intrusive method.
  What to do: If you must respond, however, focus solely on business and keep it as emotion-free as possible. Just the facts and nothing but the facts. No need to rehash anything, just keep it short, sweet, and simple.
• Random Text – I tend to stay on friendly terms with my exes. Choosing instead to cut and run long before things get past the point of no return. Even so, I do get a little suspicious when an ex I haven't heard from in a long time suddenly wants to know how life is treating me, because it usually turns into a chance for them to brag about how awesome their life is now. I mean, it's great that they're doing so awesome, but it's not a competition or a chance to keep score.
  What to do: Again, if a response is necessary, focus solely on business and don't get caught up in an exchange of emotions. Even if it comes across as chilly, there's nothing wrong with saying, “Hi, I'm fine. Too busy to talk now. Glad to hear you're awesome, bye!”
  
  
  
• Crossing Paths in Public – When you and your ex live in the same neighborhood you're bound to cross paths eventually. Short of hiding behind a stack of newspapers until the threat passes, it's probably a good idea to just suck it up and be polite. When bumping into your ex in public there's little chance of pretending you don't see one another, especially if you're trying to maintain mature and friendly terms in your relationship. There's also no luxury of carefully editing your words as you might in a text. And don't get me started on facial expressions and body language!
  What to do: Smile. Be polite. Ask how they are, tell them you're fine. Tie it all up with a neat little bow by saying how nice it is to see them doing well, pay for your groceries, and get out of there as quickly as you can without busting into a full-blown sprint. No need to incite a panic at the Safeway.

Taboo Topics

As I mentioned earlier, I'm one of those oddball types that stays on friendly terms with my ex's. I manage to do this successfully because there are a few topics of conversation that are simply off limits – particularly sex and money.

It's important to know why you want to maintain contact with an ex before you reach out and try to talk with them. For me, I like to break up before the relationship erodes past the point of repair. I don't like the idea of talking ugly to someone I love, so I often sever the relationship to maintain the friendship. Then we gimp along from there until the trust is restored. But that's a topic for another article!

Do you still bump into your ex's from time to time? How do you manage to do it gracefully?  

Someone Had to Say It – Clear Signs You're Chilling With a Loser

Losers, deadbeats, parasites, sponges, and life-suckers come in all shapes and sizes. The distinction of being a loser isn't something that's designated to just one gender. Trust me, I have known just as many deadbeat ladies as spirit-crushing dudes.

The information I'm about to share isn't directed to men or women in particular. Seriously, I have no desire to bash one gender or the other. I love everyone, which is why I think you deserve better than the loser you could be hanging with right this very minute. If you think you might be involved with a loser, look for these clear indicators.

How to Spot a Loser at Ten Paces

Anger Issues – Losers hate pretty much everything and fly off the handle at the smallest provocation. Tiny little details become reasons for major meltdowns in the mind of a loser, and this eventually starts to taint the relationship if you're rushing to soothe your friend's fragile nerves before the inevitable explosion. If the idea of being in the same room with your buddy leaves you feeling paranoid, tense, or otherwise stressed out, chances are their hot temper has reached loser proportions.

Super Clingy – Losers form attachments ridiculously fast. They go from “Nice to meet you” to “we have to do everything together, all the time!” with a quickness that seems rushed and uncomfortably rapid. When they start demand exclusive rights to your time and attention from that point on it's a good sign you'll want to create some distance. Otherwise, your loser buddy will see to it that everything becomes an opportunity to monopolize your time and separate you away from other responsibilities and interests.

Hates Your Whole Circle – Losers will find something wrong with every member of your family, every single one of your friends, and all of your co-workers. Even the ones they've never even met before! So much so that you will either be forced to disengage with your circle of support, or drop the loser. Unless you want to constantly defend yourself every time you go to work, call your mom, or have lunch with someone other than your loser, my suggestion is to drop the loser.

No Ambition – Losers will find a way to invite you out for a lunch date, then conveniently realize that they've forgotten their money at home right around the same time the bill arrives. Once or twice is a mild inconvenience. But if your bank account is steady draining because some loser in your life is sponging your funds, it's time to evaluate the dynamics of your relationship. Likewise, if your pal has no career goals, or purpose for living aside from constantly seeking your attention, it could be time to raise your standards.

Change is Possible

Just because someone might be a loser now doesn't mean they are destined to stay that way forever. Change is possible, but it has to occur from within. You're never going to change the loser in your life, they have to do that on their own. Cut your ties early, before the situation becomes abusive, and be happy for the peace of mind.